So as you all know I am newly divorced (well legally anyways). It still is hard to say that, part me feels like a complete failure. Why couldn't I make my marriage work, what did I do wrong? Frankie and I separated Sept 2014. We were lucky enough to have a very civil separation, which I truly feel is what helped all 4 of us get through it and come out better in the end. We had some very weird arrangements that many people didn't understand but that didn't matter, as long as it work for us and the boys that was all we cared about. Well March 4th it was all finalized in court (almost 18 months after we separated). On March 30th I closed on the home (just refinanced it into my name as I didn't feel I was in a position to move at this time).
Anyways the real reason for this post is not to discuss my failed married but to discuss this new part of my life called "Dating as a single mom"! Guys, this very idea had me terrified to my core. First of all, my marriage failed and it was the most painful thing I ever had to go through. Months of counseling, many many different emotions and so much leaning on friends and family to pull me through the darkest of days so did I really ever want to feel that kind of pain again. The answer is NO, however being only 34 years old I figured I also didn't want to spend the rest of my life without someone by my side to share in the ups and downs. Anyways, Labor Day 2015 almost a full year after we separated I put the boys to bed and for some reason decided to set up a Match dot com profile. I didn't really think I was ready to really start dating but was kinda curious as to what the site was all about. I put in my profile that I was separated but not divorced (at least not on paper), I said I had two kids who were my priority and would always come first and said I wasn't even sure what I was looking for. And with hours I had an inbox full of messages. How in the world did I know who I could trust? Was I even ready to do this? Well I met a couple guys for dinner, a concert and fun night of camping but just wasn't sure it was the right time and I was ready to put it all on hold for a while. I had one guy, screen name was "Tons of Smiles" who had been messaging me for almost 3 weeks but I wasn't sure I was interested (and I had plans to meet up with someone else which turned out to be a complete nightmare but that is for another post). Finally my sister said to give this guy a chance and it wasn't right them maybe take a break. Well I am so glad she pushed me to meet just one more.
October 12th I had plans to meet "Tons of Smiles" for dinner. We decided to meet at Jake's in Eagan, a middle point for us and I knew I loved their steaks which had been a talking point of ours in the couple weeks that we chatted online (sports, food, hobbies - we talked about everything) so I figured even if we had nothing in common at least I could enjoy a delicious meal. I pulled up and this tall guy, with blue eyes and a baseball cap gets out of his truck with flowers in hand. I am sure I was smiling but my heart was racing faster than you could ever imagine and I was so nervous. We went in for dinner and the conversation just flowed easily, not too many awkward moments of silence! I think we sat in the restaurant for almost 2 hours and then he needed to get going, he was working overnights so had to get to work. We walked out, he gave me a hug and we went our separate ways. Within about 20 minutes I had a text from him saying " I think you are even more awesome now"! And I learned later that he has me programmed in his phone as "Just Awesome", that's right he didn't bother to put my name in there but instead put that as my name. Which is funny cause I always joke with my family how awesome I am and they just roll their eyes and me!
We quickly become good friends, bonding over Vikings Football and even attended two games together in person and watched as many games together as we could! We enjoyed plenty more dinners together, attended a country concert together, bonded over playing Bingo at the Casino (this still is a favorite thing to do) and we went to plenty of movies together in the theater (something I hadn't done in about 7 years)! He was there for me on those nights when I just needed someone to say, its all going to be okay. And as I was going through the legal paperwork, attorney meetings and court date for my divorce he never said a thing except "You got this, you can do it"! I tried to leave my past out of our new relationship but at the same time it is part of my life, I am not ashamed of it and it isn't something that I am going to never talk about.
Now remember those two kids of mine, well I said I was going to protect them which meant I didn't want any one meeting them until I was certain they might be around for a while and I was certain that they would be good to my boys. It was almost 2 months after that first dinner that we decided to take the boys to the Waterpark of America so he could meet them in a fun setting and it seemed like it worked perfectly. The boys instantly accepted him and trusted him. And I could see that he respected my boys and as the months have gone by I know that he cares for them and will always treat them as a priority of his. Sometimes I just sit back and watch the three of them playing video games, or playing an intense game of Monopoly or even outside hunting for agates which is their new favorite activity (seriously, every time I turn around I am finding more rocks in my house, my van and even my washer/dryer)! A couple weekends ago he was over at the house hanging out with us and I ended up getting a horrible migraine, he said to just go lay down and him and the boys went out to dinner and rented a movie and went I got back out of bed at 8:30 I found the three of them on the couch watching their movie together. How did I get lucky enough to find a guy to treats me so amazing and treats my boys better than I could have even prayed for. The boys really like him and are always excited when they hear that he is coming over to hang out or that we are heading out to do something with him.
Today marks 6 months since this guy came in to my life and I am thankful that he did. I don't know where life will take us and I am not going to stress over the future as I have learned that it is so much more fun to live in the moment, to enjoy what is right in front of you and just let life take the path it has planned and not to try to control and plan for every thing so much! I am very excited for our first vacation together in just 2 weeks, we are heading to Vegas with my family for my cousins wedding, no kids. It will be fun to introduce him to the family and will be fun to have 5 full days of adult time and just let loose and enjoy!
Here are few pictures I have taken over the last couple months, he is quickly learning that I am obsessed with photos and while he says he doesn't like his picture taken he will learn to just deal with it I am sure!
Fan Jam Concert in the beginning of November!
Vikings vs Packers Game in Late November!
Our first Wild Game... might have to train him to love Hockey although he said he had a lot of fun so that is a good start!
A day trip to Gooseberry Falls in March.
The last 6 months have been quite the adventure and I am hoping the next 6 months are just as amazing!
